The Dreaded “Where do babies come from?”

August 23, 2018

Yep.  It happened.  He asked THE question.  I have been waiting for this moment.  Knew it was coming.  He is 6 now and from what other moms tell me – this is the age they start to get inquisitive.

So this July he asked me “where do babies come from” as we were racing to gymnastics.  I knew this was a conversation that warranted more time and attention than the 7 minute drive to the gym.  So I told him that it was a really good question and that it was complicated.  That I wanted to tell him when we had more time.  He agreed.  Pfewwwww I was in the clear.  But I knew that the question would be resurrected and I needed to have at least an idea of what to say.

So another week or so went by – not a peep.Then quite out of the blue he asked again.  We were at the beach with daddy and sissy.  I knew that we couldn’t tell both kids together.  I knew dad hasn’t even thought about having this discussion even though I warned him it was coming.  So the conversation I had hoped my son would have with his father landed in my lap.

I had gone out on social media asking for advice on what to say.  Consensus was that each kid needs to be delivered a different message depending upon their age, gender, readiness, level of interest etc.   There is no magic answer to this question.  But what was most important was to be honest and only give them high level answers.  They don’t need a clinical discussion on fertility.  Not at this age anyway.

To complicate things.  My son knows that I carried him in my belly.  But he was not conceived by traditional means but rather with the assistance of IVF.  He also knows that his adopted sister was not born from my body but from another woman.  This all adds more levels of complexity to the conversation.  Holy cow.  

So I took my son aside and did the best I could.  I tried to keep it light and simple.  I tried to explain it in terms a 6 year old could understand.  I reinforced that it is complicated and that he might have more questions later.  Asking questions about this is totally normal and awesome!  That he can ask me anything … anytime.

So in true HMM fashion, I video recorded the conversation.  Mostly for posterity but also for him to view again later if he needed to.  I wasn’t sure I could duplicate my answer with consistency.

So here is the video.  Click here – HMM ANSWERS THE QUESTION: WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM?

He hasn’t asked any more questions about sex/fertility/babies since this video but … it is coming and I am not afraid.  I am ready.  I hope he continues to talk to me and ask the tough questions.  I hope that I set the tone for future discussions.  When he is ready to know more of the details – I will explain further.  For now he has what he needs.

What was it like when your kids asked you?  How did you handle it?  What did you say?  What comes next?

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