So – hello there – it has been some time since we last talked.
Life came and kicked me in the ass. It was a time of extreme and rapid change. Lots of anxiety. So instead of reaching out for help, I went dark. Why the hell did I do that? The time I needed support the most, I retreated.
I went OFF THE GRID.
Ok so not literally Off The Grid. I was not connecting with nature, knitting my own clothes and churning butter in the forest.
I shut down my connectivity both electronically and socially.
Sometimes there is value in going OTG. Sometimes we all need a break, need to be still, need to get our soul right. This is not one of those times.
I realized that I cannot do this alone any longer. I need you. I need help. I need hugs. I need wine. I need you!
Without boring you with a long detailed sob story, I will boil it down for you…
Hubs got a new job in Cali and left to start work.
I was left in North Carolina with my kids.
Sold our house in North Carolina. Lived in a hotel. Moved to our condo at the beach.
Bought a house in California. Hubs fixing up the house – not ready for us to join him yet.
My mom sold my childhood home – packed her up and moved her overseas.
Now the time has come – in a few weeks we will pack up the beach condo in North Carolina and drive across the country to move to California.
So there is a part of me that says – great – soon we will be settled and not living in this state of “temporary”. There is another part of me that is scared shitless to move to a new home/city/community. I have to start all over again in a new place. It is this weird place of feeling excited and anxious at the same time.
Then there is the reunion with hubs. What is that going to be like? Will be good for the kids. But what will it be like for me? We have been apart for so long. So many things have happened during the last 8 months that we have been apart.
Do not get me started on how I feel about packing up the condo and driving with 2 kids and a dog across the USA. Packing is one thing but the drive… oh my.
Oh my gosh am I actually posting this online? Should I hit the delete button. My first reaction is to shut it down and retreat. But I need to put myself out there. I need to be raw and real. It is ok to need support. It is not a weakness. I do not have to do this alone.
Do not let me go OFF THE GRID.